Posts tagged “Ohio


Posted on 3 May 2016

Death fluttered beside me. After heavily wading through waves, I climbed up onto the rocks. Routine walking was encumbered by annoyance. Smiles couldn’t penetrate me; no, I deflected them by turning away and retreating into my sullenness. The little, supposedly cheery banalities echoed around the cliffs like bullets. I backed into a cave and barricaded the entrance. Death cast its shadow. It was only right to sit within it. After her death, the days stretched out long and grey. I wanted to return to Ohio again and again and again. I had been there to see her, and I had been there to bury her. It felt wrong to be separated from this place. And from the people! We had held each other, reaching,…

For I Have Learned, Homes Are Not Places

Posted on 18 May 2014

Relief. It’s the feeling that embraces me, comforts me, as I ascend the hill, pass through the gates. People whom I very much respect remain here. People who I suspect, despite my idiosyncrasies and my flamboyant flashes of weirdness, respect me too. People who have always embraced the overeager, odd child, and who I think always will. Embraces at airports now, rather than train stations. In Finland, it was always train stations. Now we’re meeting in the U.S. It has been four years, almost. Four years out of how long? Ten or so years, much of it spent across the world. But we watched each other develop through nerdom, music festivals, midsummers, stumbling down streets, stumbling through relationships, and settling. I shove aside the…

Observations From Various States Made in 2013

Posted on 1 January 2014

2013 was the year when the ache intensified. It was hardly existent in January—I came away from three months in Peru and Bolivia happy and excited, and the glow took time to fade. But, life happens, and the realization that 2013 would be the first year since 2005 that I wouldn’t make it abroad settled in me like a rough stone. Even so, I traveled far across the United States and both new and old places can teach you. As anything can. Ohio. Ohio embraces me; it cups my cheek in its hand. Ohio is where I made myself, and it holds some of the people whose approval I desire most. Returning, I was at once reassured and my longing intensified. There are some…